So, obviously I'm posting this story ridiculously slowly and I'll reveal something even better! it's probably all going to be changed when I edit it after I finish. As people could probably tell this isn't edited very well. So why am I posting a WIP that isn't even a final draft? Uh, because otherwise I'll never finish at all and I'd like to. This is why I'm not posting this anywhere but my journal, afterward if I'm pleased with it I might put it up other places.

So readers beware! (This is probably a very very late warning.) But I do adore all comments with a very intense sort of adoration, so there's that.

Love,
Me

Working Title: Surrender by Conquest 4/?
Crossover: SGA/Anne Bishop's Blood Realms
Pairing: eventual John/Ronon
Rating: PG-13 for slavery and sexual themes
Author's Note: Knowledge of both universes helpful but not necessary (I think, feel free to contradict in comments).

( Some Plot Emerges )

May 2009 be as gorgeous and sweet as winter break. But with more of S's (Significant Personage) presence.

I hope to write more, both academically and fiction, original and fan. I hope to get around to my list of books I aught to read because I know I'll adore them and they will be good for me. I hope to graduate without too much stress. Enjoy and love life. Spend as much time getting to know S as possible.

Why can't my antitrust final write itself?

Why can't the other students in my class be idiots, thus relieving the evil curve?

Why can't I work productively like a normal person?

It's a question of crying or snarling...

Merlin is not a girl.


And being a girl doesn't mean that you're silly, that it's cute if your SO patronizes you and is so dashingly confident while you splutter and adore him and that he's always right and correct.

Also, why the fuck can't Merlin top?

So. So. I have these glasses. These glasses were really cool when I got them but that particular moment was almost three years ago. These glasses did not weather the years well and have recently lost color and covering on frames and lenses both and looked... like I was pealing.

Pealing.

Twenty minutes ago they flew off my face, skittered across my kitchen floor and broke. Into about four pieces.

I laughed.

Then I realized I'd have to wear my contacts non stop for at least two weeks. *wince*

It's closing in on the due date for my paper, and the home stretch for finals. I'm worried but am worryingly happy about life. All shall work itself out!

I don't like to cook and I'm not very good at it, but now and then... Also, Fresh Direct is an awesome awesome service, product delivery to your doorstep!

Avacado, fresh tomato, baked bread, rice and eggplant from the Indian place. While in newly purchased crazily cozy pjs. Mmmm.

Paper writing has never been this pleasant.

Aha Ha Ha.

So, I'm actually doing cards this year. Since this is the first year (both fannish and not) I'd doing it it's also the first time I've run into the issue that is I don't have anyone's address . So I'm scrambling and figuring complex strategies. While I suppose I will stalk people's ljs and make embarrassing appeals for their personal information if absolutely necessary why don't you be very very nice to me and spare me that terrible experience?

Please leave your address in comments. I solemnly swear to share the information with no one and the comments will be screened. Please don't feel that you can not comment because you and I aren't very close or you don't comment on here. I encourage people! Random strangers will not be stared at strangely. This is fun for me!

In return you will receive cuteness!


P.S. If anyone has good suggestions for how this is done in RL please share (yes, I am emailing some people directly, but that just seems so non surprisy).

Working Title: Surrender by Conquest
Crossover: SGA/Anne Bishop's Blood Realms
Pairing: eventual John/Ronon
Rating: PG-13 for slavery and sexual themes
Author's Note: Knowledge of both universes helpful but not necessary (I think, feel free to contradict in comments).

( Chapter 3, in Which Nothing Much Happens )

I've decided to split my identity yet again. I continue to hope these are not early signs of a dissociative disorder, or narcissism, whichever.

From now on all of my political thoughts, ramblings, and outrage will go on another blog (not lj this time). If for some bizarre reason you're interested in being able to read it please email me or comment and I will gladly give you the address.

The reason for this is that while I am not in any way ashamed of my taste in porn and am prepared to defend it to the death... I'd rather not and in fact am somewhat ashamed of my writing (I'm working on it - both on making it better and being less ashamed when it sucks). Mainly, I feel the need for a stable pseudonym when commenting on political blogs and don't want to use this one.

I feel silly because almost all interesting blogs that I know mix personal stuff and political stuff and entertainment stuff, which is one of the things that make them interesting. It is entirely possible that none of my three blogs will ever get updated and no one will ever read any of them (cue violins). I've no idea how I could possible have time to keep all three of them up to date. But it is what it is and this is what I've decided to do.

I am still working on a bunch of fanfiction, including the Blood Realms SGA crossover. I'll probably eventually post on here again. I hope. I shall certainly continue to comment on other people's lj.

House - the tv show

Sooo good! I love this show. I love this show so much I haven't been able to write about it till I finished watching everything I was going to watch. I love this show so much I'm going to watch it as it airs when Season 4 starts on September 25th. Do you know the last show I followed while it was on TV? There hasn't been one!!! That is how much House is amazingly cool.

Why is House cool?

Because I'm totally in love with Gregory House? the misanthropic, brilliant, crippled doctor who dislikes talking with patients and knows that everyone lies. But he's damn well going to keep his patients alive, morals be damned. Yeah.

Wilson the handsome oncologist and super nice guy for whom 'this fucked up friendship' is one of only two things that make life worth living? (The job being the second... though he's willing to sacrifice the job for the friendship!) The guy with three failed marriages who's made an art out of telling people they're going to die really nicely. Yeah.

Cuddy the super curvy dean of medicine that blackmails House into doing his clinic hours and perjures herself for him. Sure.

The ducklings/minions of Doctor Gregory House.

Carmon, the woman who married a man dieing of cancer at 20, consistently compassionate, strong and totally in love with House. Oh yes.

Chase, australian rich super pretty guy that doesn't get worked up about much of anything and is perfectly willing to sell out others in order to keep his job. Mmmm, soo pretty.

Foreman, the black guy from the ghetto with the 4.0 from Hopkins and an ego that has a serious problem with Dr. House. *scowls* Well, I don't like him actually but he's interesting.

The characters are complex, the issues are interesting, and the emotional impact is incredibly well done. None of that stupid lousy done sappy crap that makes you want to cringe because the characters would tear that kind of thing to shreds themselves. Episodes that end on warm and fuzzy and episodes that hurt and end with you wanting to cry. Wonderful, wonderful show.

Writing novels and watching cool people writing novels.

It's wonderful to see talented people on lj get agents and finish novels and get published. Really. Wonderful. Especially when they're my age, it's super cool. It doesn't make me feel like a looser at all. *scowls* I am pleased. It is cool.

But I have to keep reminding myself that just because I've never finished a novel at 21 doesn't mean I'm never going to write one. Even if other people have written ten. Just because I write lousy fiction at 21 doesn't mean I always will, people improve, people enter more productive periods of their lives, I have time! *wails* Different authors have different development paths. If I want to write novels there's a good chance that eventually I'll get there. It's not something that has a time limit, it's perfectly possible for me to produce something ten years in the future while having my career in a completely different field. I just need to remember what I want and keep working towards it, even if its in fits and starts. It'll work out eventually. *scowls* Everyone is different. I can admire other people while being okay with the fact that I am not them and I am not like them. *deep sigh*

So, this is what I blog about in collage form. It's kind of really cool. *pokes at pictures*

you do it too, you do it too! I want to see what my flist blogs about.

( What I've been journaling about )

This tv show has eaten my brain.

Months of seeing Jensen Ackles, you're so preeetty! on my flist and rolling my eyes ... and now... all I've got to say is...

Jensen!!! so pretty!!! Dean!!! Pretty!!!

I can't explain but I adore this show, adore it. It grows on you. It's all about the angst and the love. How can you not love that?

Dean is... adorable. The monsters of the week are cool. The touches of horror give it suspense, the dead characters of the past make the suspense real. It is totally awesome.

I have no urge to write fic in this fandom. Strange but true. Huh.

I desperately want the second season to come out on dvd. now, now, now.

The Sam and Dean love! the love!

As I wonder around the internet while in class I attempt to figure out my views on politics and the world. Generally speaking I hang out at progressive Democrat blogs. I agree with a lot of progressive views. And then we come to the economy.

While my views on economics are not Republican in the least the condemnation of capitalism, consumerism and big companies that a lot of progressives express always makes me irritable and nervous. Doubtlessly this is partly because I come from Russia and am thus predisposed to adore capitalism. After giving it some thought I've come to the conclusion that I think of capitalism as exactly the same as democracy.

Capitalism and Democracy are the best options around. Capitalism and Democracy are great and wonderful things.

Capitalism and Democracy unregulated are a bad thing.

Democracy without limits is the majority doing whatever it wants. That's... bad. Minority rights get crushed and lots of bad things happen because lots of people are incompetent. This is why we have a representative democracy and a constitution. These are the limits, the ways we try to protect everyone and make it efficient. Of course, there are problems with this system as well (take a look around!).

"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for dinner, liberty is a well armed lamb disputing the vote" Benjamin Franklin (stolen from a progressive blog :))

Capitalism without limits abuses workers and hurts society and actually limits free competition. This is why unions for example are a wonderful, amazing invention and are in no way against capitalism. Unions are people coming together and bargaining for a scarce resource, they labor, bargaining is the very essence of capitalism. This is one of the main reasons I'm fond of John Edwards for president, protection for labor is important. Incidentally I think protection for labor is good for companies in the long run. There should be a minimum wage and safety standards. The government needs to make sure companies are not ruining the environment (something the government is failing at for the moment and for a long time now).

But why, why, why do people express disgust and contempt for capitalism? The same people would not speak that way about democracy.

Why is it considered evil to want to make money and not to care too much about other people?

People are selfish. Any society that makes people pretend not to be selfish ends up with the most selfish people making speeches on how unselfish they are and how everyone else should give them their money.

This is the appeal of libertarianism for me. It acknowledges that talk of 'sacrifice' and 'helping others' almost never ends well.

It is one of the deep tragedies of humanity that seeing others hurt or in bad circumstances makes us feel better about ourselves. The truth is that hurting others does not give us benefit. It is better for us if other people are better off.

Immigrants doing well in the U.S. does not hurt, in the long run, working people. People in India or Africa doing well does not, in the long run, hurt America. People in poverty in the U.S. is bad for everyone else in the U.S.

People are unfortunately short sighted, that's why individuals take bribes even though corruption screws with the economy and ends up making everyone in that economy badly off.

There is nothing wrong with a big company wanting to make money. It is not evil. Neither is marketing. What we should be doing is encouraging people to make money without oppressing other people, it is not only possible, it's likely to make them better off.

Slavery was, in the end, bad for the economy, and that's one of the reasons the South lost.

I'm not saying using moral arguments is bad. I'm simply incredibly annoyed from the sense one gets from liberals that morals and making money are somehow contradictory values, they are not.

Morality is important. Violating morals usually ends up screwing up your own life as well. Calling on people to be less selfish is not only annoying but unlikely to get good results. I think being selfish, capitalism, has created the best and most fair society yet. It can be improved, but not by turning away from it's very fundamentals.

This happens again and again. I find a cool blog, usually a feminist or liberal/progressive political one. I read a couple of entries, think 'wow, this person is cool, intelligent, has views I didn't even know I had too till they articulated them so well' - sounds nice, yes? My internet crush is all set to flower.

This blogger is aggressive and sees right through bullshit and doesn't mind calling people on it, kind of mean about some people but hey those people really are idiots and trying to oppress X. I read some comment threads and go 'aaw, how cute and friendly and intelligent the discussions!'

Then there will invariably be a post that's really interesting and makes me think but I'm not sure if I quite agree with it. Eager and excited I will go to read the comments. Hmm, agreement, agreement, agreement and then...
There will be a long comment by someone who disagrees with the author, very polite, good spelling, interesting point of view, excellent rebuttal. I *bounce* mentally, sure I'm going to see an awesome discussion that will let me figure out what my real opinion on this issue is...

What I see instead is the commenter being viciously attacked, what they actually said misrepresented, and ignored and called names.

It is so incredibly disappointing. It's hard to like someone after you see them go rabid at some valid and polite disagreement. What makes people do this when earlier in the same blog they condemned their idiological enemies for not allowing any dissent?

It makes me wonder if it's possible to be aggressive and condemn anyone without eventually falling into this trap. Once you start cussing and calling some people names online, can you refrain from it when someone tries to have a decent debate with you? I used to think so but I don't know anymore. I do know that this kind of behavior is pathetic and sad.

I suppose it serves me right for idolizing anyone just because they write well and have some cool ideas. It's true that when I first fall in love with a book or a book series my first inclination is to fall in love with the author as well. I guess I'll just have to learn to accept that human beings all have flaws and disliking disagreement is a common one, especially online in your own blog where you are surrounded by fans, and that flawed human beings can say cool and fascinating and funny things too.

Humans - all about the contradictions and the exalted and the vile sitting side by side in one skin.

I don't really encounter this in fandom though, maybe some slight echo every now and then, but mostly it's a shiny and sweet place by comparison. Of course when it comes to fandom I'm very isolated and keep to a small corner and also, there is only so much to disagree about. Still, there are a couple of lj users who would break my heart if I ever saw them behave this way.

P.S. I've finally found an lj format that makes me happy! Wheee!

article

• In which linda claims that a woman with a masters from harvard is fucking wasted being a stay at home mom.

Yes. No duh. Thank you! First time I head someone saying/writing this.

• She also writes that being a stay at home mom is not intellectually fufilling.

 Feels so politically incorrect to even agree with this but I do. I've never heard a convincing arguement otherwise.

• She addresses the fact that women going into the liberal arts without thinking about what kind of job that will let them hold (men do this in much fewer numbers) is fucking stupid and partly resultant from 'women not taking work seriously because they never expect to be the 'rulers' of society'

God yes. I have to hold my tongue every time I talk to a college girl who's doing poli sci and has no idea what she wants to do with it.

• She mentions how many more woman then men go into public non profit type work and how that's fucking stupid for future independence.

I maybe don't agree completely with about 10% of what she says but the article resonates so surprisingly deep.

*very, very pleased*

The fact that most families can't afford to have anyone stay at home and so this doesn't apply much is true but irrelevant to the truth of this arguement. As it mentions in the article what the 'elite' of the society do does affect everyone.

ETA: edited for aesthetics

First time I read it I was disgusted by the lack of subtlety, but the lack of skill in what seemed the work of a great writer in imbuing a fascinating philosophy into the lives of her characters the way it should have been imbued, seamlessly and naturally. The characters where flat and uninteresting, were not engaging, the words they spouted, while interesting, failed to move me the way I expect great works of fiction to move me. When a writer allows the philosophy of a book to come first above the necessity of a great character the philosophy looses meaning for what meaning philosophy unless it is applied to the lives of men?

However, having decided to write an essay on Atlas Shrugged (in the pursuit of the money a contest offers) I find myself both more impressed by the book and more upset and disappointed yet thrilled to be writing this. It doesn't even matter if I win or not, for this will let me articulate what has been swirling around my head and confusing me, let me put into words and thus clarify for myself exactly what I like and dislike what I think and how I see the book and the philosophy.

Since the contest if funded by the Ayn Rand Institute I am coming to the conclusion that I will have to write two essays. The first, where I do all of the above and figure out exactly what I think. The second where I put it all into a form that will be agreeable and impressive to my intended audience, full hearted supporters of Ayn Rand. The first I'll enjoy more but after it the second should be a breeze.

Heh. And reading these kinds of books always makes me talk and write like this. Easily impressionable. That's me.

Maybe I'll post my first essay here, nowhere else to put it really. :) Not fanfiction but interesting.

Which reminds me, I need to type up the handwritten fic I have lying around and continue my Ronon/John fic, I'm dying to get to the hot parts of that...

All posting evidence to the contrary. Or more to the point, lack of posting evidence.

Have an excuse! Am back from a trip to Japan on which I rode a giant ferris wheel for almost the sole purpose of seeing what it's like since John Sheppard likes it. Yes, am twisted by overexposure to fandom. Ferris wheels turn out to be very cool. Japan was an awesome trip. Contact with Japanese people was predictably minimal which is sad since I'd have loved the expierence. But! temples are cool, gardens are even better and the museums where a mixed bag.

Speaking of twisted dealings in fandom, the msscribe story is facinating. Unlike most people I don't really feel she's a sociopath or very weird or any of the other descriptions. I do think she's very daring and not terribly emphathic, not a very nice person maybe. But let's be honest at least half of the people in fandom would love to be friends with the BNFs that they like. We all have writers we think are amazing and great but have almost no chance of actually getting to know. Most of us are okay with this because a. this just isn't that large a part of their lives b. they have no stomache or desire to decieve anyone, neither of this was true for msscribe. Her motives are not difficult to understand. Her daring and the amount of work she put into it is impressive. I've got to say wow.

Of course it makes people angry, me included, I like to take people on faith online and believe what they say, the proof that this can be a mistake is of course sadenning and disturbing. Mostly thought, when someone starts calling other people names and being mean, no matter the reason? My opinion and wish to socialize with them goes way down. So I don't think I would have ever been friends with msscribe to begin with which kind of reduced my ability to relate to the people who where. I do think it's great that this has all been revealed and proven. I applaud the writer not only for a facinating story but for letting people know, I tend to think deception should alway be revealed.

Back to me! This summer is shaping up to include a lot of free time so hopefully more writting is coming soon. As soon as I have my own laptop back (powercord broke) and can stop using my parents at least.

I've just wasted so much time on creating pages with google.

*tries to be shocked at self*

I've been reading less fic recently and was all ready to celebrate this move towards productivity in my life...

I've often wanted to create my own internet site but having no skills or knowledge in this direction and not knowing who my audience might be stopped me.

If it was a page that I would be comfortable letting everyone from RL know about, then there was nothing very interested that I could put on it. If it was a page with more private things on it, then who would visit it and thus what would be the point? I always figured that if I wrote enough fiction one day I'd get a page.

I don't think I've really written enough fiction yet and I don't think any of it's good enough for random other people to read and like. However, I'm not above self indulgence and it's fun to make pages! and maybe eventually someone will be interested and I'll write vast reams of facinating stuff. Um, yeah. Maybe.

Just today I was browsing a favorite author's site and read some of her earlier work that I'd never seen before because it was in a fandom I don't read and was het which I also don't read much. It was terrible. Well, no not really terrible, but not very good. Huge, huge steps down from what she's been writting for years now. I was shocked and completly delighted! People do improve. yay. There's hope. :)

Am writting my econ midterm. Yes I am. Instead of putting pretty things up online and obsessively fixing things.

Surprising how much work it takes to get a very simple site up. I have new apreciation for sites.